Sisters of Charity Reflect on Elizabeth
Elizabeth's Friendships and Fidelity
By S. John Miriam JonesThink about the qualities of those you call friend. Surely true friendship is unyielding, with mutual dependability for understanding and support. The litany includes forgiving, generous, loving, loyal, communicative, honest, present, respectful and self-sacrificing. You can always count on someone so described, therefore fidelity is a basic.
Mother and friend to all five of her children, Elizabeth Seton consistently put them “in touch with God.” Drawing by the late S. Ruth Jonas.
For daughters of Elizabeth, for whom God is central, Virginia Wiltse in “Friends Without Words” describes another dimension of friendship as “ordinary people putting each other in touch with God.”
Reflecting on Elizabeth Seton’s life cannot be separated from her amazingly long list of friends. They included people in New York, Italy, Baltimore, Md., and Emmitsburg, Md. The list contains those she knew before her conversion and vocation; members of her own family, including her children; numerous clergy, both Episcopalian and Catholic; her students; and those associated with them, benefactors and members of the Sisters of Charity. God was clearly first on her list, and she consistently put people in touch with God. Her numerous words, which are our heritage, have given us tremendous insight into her heart and have shown her capable of friendship and fidelity that was deep, undying, consistent.
In “The Intimate Friendships of Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton,” by S. Marie Celeste, SC, Elizabeth described God as “her most intimate friend.” From early childhood until the moment of her death, at 46, she sought God at every turn. She was consistently aware of God’s presence and wanted always to do God’s will. She lived it faithfully even into eternity. She called upon all to “look up to the blue heaven and love him.”
Think of her love, her friendship with her husband, William, whom she described as her “dearest treasure.” That love and friendship was put to the ultimate test during the month of quarantine in the Lazaretto. No greater testimony to her vital love and fidelity exists than her description of their agonizing days there.
Following William’s death in Italy, the friendships with the Filicchis developed to include Antonio; his wife, Amabilia; and his brother, Philip. The nearly four months Elizabeth and her daughter Annina remained with them sparked the beginning of Elizabeth’s treasured journey into the Catholic faith. That faith proved to be central to her friendships with the Filicchis, to whom she wrote “my heart can never grow cold to you.” The men proved themselves “brothers and true friends” who made essential financial gifts to Elizabeth’s children and to the early community. Elizabeth considered them one of God’s blessings in her life and never stopped loving them.
One might hesitate to describe relationships with one’s children as friendships, and yet Elizabeth bonded with her children as friends. Her dear Annina shared the travails of Italy and of the burgeoning community, and as a member of that community died in the arms of her broken-hearted mother. They shared intimacies and worries, hope and faith. Rebecca, too, was a loving child, and in Elizabeth’s words, also “a little friend of my heart.” They also shared the deep thoughts of friends. Her early death was one more devastating loss for her mother. Catherine was the only one of the five who lived a long life and the only one present when Elizabeth died. The loyalty of mother and daughter endured until Elizabeth’s death, and Catherine remained attentive to the Sisters of Charity in New York. Sons William and Richard were an ongoing worry and challenge. Elizabeth made heroic efforts to provide for them, to reach out to them in friendship, and to protect them. She wrote to them frequently and prayed for them daily. Mother and friend to each she consistently put them “in touch with God.”
Three of her sisters-in-law were counted among Elizabeth’s “dear friends.” Elizabeth shared her soul with Rebecca. It was for “sweet Beck” that Elizabeth wrote the Italian journal, but found her near death when she returned to New York. Rebecca died one month later adding another heart-rending loss among Elizabeth’s friends. Cecilia was the youngest sister to William, and like Elizabeth, chose to enter the Catholic Church. Also like her she suffered the anger and persecution of her family. She and Elizabeth shared their spiritual journey and great affection. Harriet, a half-sister to William, was taught by Elizabeth and followed the pattern of conversion and arrival at Emmitsburg.
From her Protestant days in New York, Elizabeth treasured the friendships of Eliza Sadler and Catherine Dupleix. Her “ever dear friends” were as loyal to Elizabeth as she was to them. Both were loved by Elizabeth’s children and both contributed financially to “the Valley.” Although their lifestyles differed greatly from Elizabeth’s, the letters of the three provide evidence of their enduring friendship.Several members of the clergy are numbered among Elizabeth’s faithful friends. Simon Brute was a confidante and steady friend. He was a genuine spiritual influence until the end, and he, in turn, relied on the influence of her spirituality. He served as a guardian for her sons and shared the illness and ultimate death of Annina. Elizabeth indicated her love for him was “without measure” and that all she would wish would be “a look of the soul.”
Archbishop John Carroll not only figured in the early Church of the United States, but was a powerful friend and ally of Elizabeth Seton. He saw her through the first decade of her Catholicism, including a half-dozen years of the new community. She relied on his receptive listening and advice.
Pierre Babade, SS, Elizabeth’s favorite confessor, knew her deepest heart. His admiration for Elizabeth caused him to predict that she would “be the mother of many daughters.”
But it was Simon Burke who taught Elizabeth the lesson of the grace of the moment. What she has bequeathed to us attests to her finding that grace so often in her friends. She writes of “going … to meet everybody in the grace of the moment, which we can never know until we find the humor and temper of the one we are to meet with.” Elizabeth kept seeking God in the grace of interactions. She whose life was enriched by so many friends teaches us the grace to be found in those relationships. Friendship is a part of our heritage. Friends were an intimate part of her search for God. As her daughters, so they should be for us.
